Unanswered Prayers

On a more personal note...

Ever have one of those series of experiences that really makes you wonder about your life? About whether you are really connecting with the people YOU feel like you are? I've had some of those lately. For me, this experience has come in the form of weddings. Two of the women I have cared about more in my life than I'd care to talk about, got married. A couple months apart, both of them married men who seemed to make them unbelieveably happy. The funny part is, I was an important part of their life when they met their to-be husbands.

I guess its the fact that I was hoping that I would be the one to make them happy, or maybe it is the jealousy I feel when I know someone can really feel like that. On a positive note, I have been successful in stepping back and really caring about them enough to say that their happiness is SO much more important than my selfishness. "If you love them, set them free." Right?

On a slight tangent, I was watching Drumline last night. One of the big catch phrases in that movie is "One Band, One Sound." Toward the end of the movie, the band director calls aside the head of the drumline and asks him, "Do you remember why I said you would be a good leader for this group? (or something like that)" He replied, "You said I liked the sound of the line better than the sound of my own drum." I've seen that movie four or five times, so I dont know why that just struck me like it did last night. Maybe because I believe that the love I have for those around me isn't about how I "sound" to them, but how my contributions can help them sound the best they can.

I think this lesson applies to these two women and their pursuit of happiness. If I was to be selfish and want them in my life more, then maybe they wouldn't have found these great men who make them so happy. I would have stood in the way of their voice being heard.

I also apply this lesson to my life as a Director of Music as well. Many people in the parish here think that I need to do more solo work, and lead with my voice. I tend to step down and give all the support, training, and encouragement to the leaders in this program, helping them to shine with all they have. I have opportunities to make a difference here, but usually its when someone (or a group) really does well. I am so proud of each and every person who I work with here. We have made some beautiful music together (metaphorically and actually speaking).

I used to pray to God to bring someone back into my life. I've been through quite an emotional rollercoaster with a few people along the way. Maybe I just need to be thankful for unanswered prayers. God hasn't let me down yet. Its about the sounds of the line (choir, community, family, friends) after all.