You cant win for trying aka. You cant always get what you want

Part 1: The curse of the piano

First of all, I never claim to be a pianist. I have had minimal lessons over the years, but the whole doing scales thing never really stuck with me. Not to say I wouldn't give it another shot someday soon, but for now, I am a liturgical guitarist and a vocalist. When I was hired on at Good Shepherd, I made this evidently clear. So, we set up some goals: 1) Convert the parish to guitar music, or 2) cultivate musical talent from the congregation, or 3) learn how to play piano (or organ) and lead the music that way. I got to work right away with the first two possiblities, knowing that I would get to the third in time. Due to some constraints, I was the only instrument at the early Sunday mass, so I played guitar. If anyone's ever been to an early Catholic mass, they know it's not a guitar sort of crowd. I would get comments like "I love the music today, are we getting a piano player soon?" A couple months ago, I was feeling invulnerable, so I tried my mediocre piano skills out on the early mass crowd. I could never have expected to be swamped at the piano after mass with congratulations and wishes on my continued return to the bench. To this day, I have played piano at every early mass, and now I play for our "Over 50's" mass as well as prayer services, reconciliation services and monthly benediction. I still play guitar for school masses and with our Spirit and Life choir, a nice balance I thought. Well, Fr. Attila comes up to me this weekend and makes the comment that he misses the guitar. Talk about irony.

Part II: "Baptist" music isn't all bad.

Also, when I was hired, I was asked to be a cheerleader of sorts - to bring energy with my music as well as new and exciting music. I've done my best with this, slowly seeping out the repatoire I had gathered over the years. This weekend, I choose "Shall We Gather At the River" as our closing song. This has been one of the favorites and a song that seems to invoke quite the passionate singing. One man came up to me after our Saturday mass and wondered how this "Baptist" song made it into the mass. I tried my best to answer him as I was thinking he was joking by saying "Well, its in our hymnal and I like it, so I put it in." He replied in a cold, brutal way with "Well, anything will get in there if its shoved up someone's a**" and walks off. Yikes! I'm glad my job doesn't depend on his opinion. Fortunately, a woman also came up after our later Sunday mass to say hi. She said how much she appreciated by spirit and my body movements as I directed the choir. I know sometimes I get a little too into the music. :) So, I guess these two people I dont remember meeting before kinda balanced out for me. I'm still pumped up about music and picking the right songs for the litugy and making people glad to be there. A once in a while negative comment is good for keeping my ego in check.

In other news...

I played guitar for our scouts on their spring outing this weekend. As I was setting up, two girls from our school came up and volunteered to help me sing. That just made my night. I have been leaning what I can about leading children, and I took every opportunity to encourage them to come back and do it again someday.

The adult choir performed two of my arrangements this weekend. I know they aren't original songs, but they are my harmonies, and that left me with some butterflies today. I have been feeling much more confident about writing and arranging for voices and instruments. I am so looking forward to this month's Spirit and Life choir as I get to arrange for a variety of instruments (depending on who shows up). Heck, we may even have a ukelele this month. Whoo hoo!

Post Traumatic Sydrome

I know that this is no laughing matter, but I feel like I just went through Post Traumatic Syndrome this week. I had a very difficult couple of weeks, and once everything was finished and the last song had been sung and the last book had been put away on Easter morning, I was ready to crash. Not more than two days later, I got very sick. I somehow was able to have both a bad Flu virus and Strep Throat at the same time. I dont remember the last time I went from chills right into the sweats and back into the chills again. I guess I can be happy I had some sick time to take off from work and do some serious recovery. Now, all is well again, and I'm ready to take on the world. Last night, I just had to get out for a nice long walk... wonderful.

The School choir had its "return" practice yesterday. We had so much fun. Every one of those who came were in a great mood, and were excited to be back together again. (We're getting the band back together.) By the time it was over, my heart was racing, and I had to stop before I got to a couple songs I wanted to play with because we ran out of time. What a fantastic feeling. When we had mass this morning, that energy carried over. They were so good today, and I am so honored to be up there leading them.

So, now the tedious work begins, putting everything back together. My office is in shambles, my music files are seperated out into stacks from various days we sang, and I have a new season to tweak and primp so that I can offer the best possible worship experience. I have come to love my "creative" days as I call them. These are the days I can step back from the administration parts of the job, and really dream about what this music program can be. I think the rest of this week can be used for a bit of that time. I have some new songs I'm getting excited about. I have some young cantors that I am looking forward to seeing what their made of. It's a brand new day.

P.S. Ugh... wouldn't you know it, but I forgot to thank John, the fantastic guy who covered for my while I was sick this last weekend. He is definately one of my best resources, trusted advisors, and good friends. Thanks John.

Worship in the Works - April 2008

It’s amazing how the time goes by. I’ve now been here over a year, and what a year it’s been – for me, for us as a parish staff, and as a parish community. This month, I’d just like to share some of the reflections I’ve gleaned from working here at Good Shepherd. Many of these are from personal experience, while others are from those I’ve seen around me.

1. When you’re used to doing something with a friend, child, parent or family, it takes a lot of courage and faith to do it alone.


2. It’s very important to feel like you belong to something or someone.


3. Change is difficult. Unwanted and/or necessary change is almost too much to bear.


4. When you’re faced with a choice between “what’s always been done” and “the best thing to do,” you both win and lose either way.


5. Sometimes people step out of their comfort zone on their own. Sometimes, they need an invitation, or a nudge, or a kick in the rear.


6. It’s easier to do something on your own, but it’s so much more rich and fulfilling to work with other people.


7. When you feel like you’re at a very low point, the most amazing and unexpected things can happen to lift you out of the muck.


8. Christ invites us to have the faith of a child, but what about their imagination, courage, spirit and compassion as well?


9. When someone makes a choice for you, you have three choices: a) run away, b) get angry at the person who did this to you and live with frustration and resentment, or c) change what you can, accept what you can’t, talk it out with friends, and find comfort in the fact that everything will be alright.


10. There is nothing better than a good meal, a good book, good conversation, a good song, good friends and family, and knowing there is a loving and faithful God always by your side.

May the Lord be with us as we continue to strive toward wholeness and holiness in the future. I’m thankful for my experiences, opportunities and friendships I’ve been blessed with this year, and look forward to many more to come.

Inspiration and Perspiration

I just thought I'd throw in a quick update on all the fun things happening in my life these days.

With Holy Week being this week, I'm kinda out of my head with everything that I need to get done before Wednesday and beyond roll around. I forced myself to take today completely off. It's so easy for me to go in just to get something done, but right now, I need to take the time when I can get it. I know I'll be running around like a crazy person soon, so I enjoyed my time to myself.

I joined several people and we started a dinner club. Our first dinner was on Friday, and it was so much fun. We have 5 "families" involved and a total of 7 people. I was quite impressed with the creativity first of all. I think we were there till nearly 11 o'clock that night just talking and laughing the night away. I cant wait till our next one in April.

I've been arranging quite a bit of music these days for various instruments and voices. A few of my arrangements will be used during our services this week, so I'm pretty pumped about that. I am really getting into using Sibelius which my choir gave me as a surprise Christmas gift. It is much more powerful than my other program, and a lot more rewarding. I can potentially whip out an arrangement for four or five instruments in about an hour now. I've also been playing more piano these days too. To me, it feels like I'm just tinkering around, but people seem to like it, so I'll keep going. Nothing wrong with a simple improv once in a while. Of course, now their staring to ask for me to try playing the organ. It's kind of scary that I am the parish organist all of a sudden. Last I knew, I was brought in as a guitarist. Oh well!

Lets see... other things. I've been getting into baking, candy making and card making these days. I've run into a number of old friends lately... fun! I really feel like I need a spiritual director or something similar to help me stay on the right path. Life is terribly busy, but very good right now. I cant wait till this week is over.

I'll leave you with a few quotes I borrowed from one of my favorite websites, Just Plain Folks.

"Getting there isn't half the fun - it's all the fun." -Robert Townsend

"Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might have been." -Arthur Ransome

"Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is give them a reason and an opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney

Worship in the Works - March 2008

Here's the latest newsletter article... enjoy.





Do you ever feel like there is something missing in your life? Like your life is unfulfilled? Empty? Directionless? Meaningless? Maybe you feel like there is something else you could have done if only you had the means or opportunities. Do you feel a burning desire inside you that you just can’t ignore? Has it been there for a long time? Do you ever feel like you aren’t helping others to be the best they can be? Are you using your talents the way God intended?
I can honestly say that I answered yes to a couple of these questions. If you answered yes to any of them, I’m sorry to say I don’t have the answers, but, maybe the stories of Jesus during this time of Lent do. If Jesus were asked these questions, I would guess that he would say a resounding “no” to them all. How do I know this? The famous last words of Christ include the following: “It is finished.” Some translations of the bible use “It is accomplished.” To me, these words come from a man who has seen his fair share of pain and sorrow, but also a man who really made something of himself. How could he have looked back over his life and said, “If only I had…” to anything? From the beginning of his ministry, he made all the choices of his heart. If we are to follow Jesus with our whole lives, then shouldn’t we also try to see our lives as a real accomplishment and success?
“Were you there when they crucified my Lord?” “Were you there when they nailed him to the cross?” “Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?” I doubt any of us can say yes to any of these questions, but if we can see that we have made the most out of our lives and really invested our talents, then we can have no cause to “tremble” before the awesome power of God. It’s hard to see beyond our “comfort zones” and really be there in the suffering of others, much less Jesus who lived over 2000 years ago. If Jesus was able to go through all the torment and agony and still come out feeling successful, then I have no room to complain. My gift to Christ, who died for my salvation, is to die to myself and give to those he died for. This continues the cycle of love Jesus began when he forgave even those who put him on that very cross.

School Choir Update

So, get this...

Not too long ago I posted a blog about the whole Children's choir thing? Well, this last weekend, I may have found someone to help me organize and lead the kids. I am so pumped. She is one of the parishioners here and has a great background both with kids and in music. I think she would be a perfect addition to the ministry we have going here. Her husband even said that he would nudge her a little to get her involved. This could be the beginning of a very good thing.

Once Upon a Time

During my day off today, I decided to watch my movies that have been sitting in my apartment for the last few days. (I do Blockbuster Online) One of these movies really touched me for many reasons. Maybe its the musician in me or the songwriter or even the person struggling to find that great relationship.

The movie I'm referring to is Once, a low budget and gritty movie about, in my opinion, finding one great friend who "gets" you. There is a lot of great music performed by the songwriters themselves. The movie is about a guy (in the credits named "guy") who makes a living out by fixing vacuum cleaners and singing songs on the streets of Dublin. He meets a girl (named... you got it... "girl") who takes a keen interest in him and his music. The movie is so simple and real, that it speaks volumes about being true to who you are no matter what, following the dreams of your heart, and respecting everything about the people you encounter.

I think the reason I was moved so much by this movie is that I feel so much like the hero portrayed. He recently ended a relationship and is wandering around looking for meaning in everything. When he finds someone who takes an interest in him and helps nudge him toward being a more than he was, he gets the signals mixed up for a time, then realizes the gem he has in her. I wonder if that's what I've been looking for for so long... someone who can inspire me, someone who can be my muse and push me to greater things.

I know it sounds selfish to say that, but it's real. Who knows what form this person is going to come in, but I do know that our friendship will be the stuff from which poems are written and legends told. I know I've missed quite a few opportunities for this kind of relationship, and I am willing to admit that I may lack what it takes to make a relationship like this happen, but I feel, right now, a longing for it. I just hope I'm ready for it when it comes. :)